So here I sit at school, silently freaking out and crying. I have a doctor appointment today at 1:30pm so time will tell. I keep telling myself that whatever is going to happen has already happened. If it is an ectopic, then it is already there. If I am going to lose the baby, then it is probably already in the cards.
Why is it so easy and so calm for some people. I want this pregnancy so badly - more than anything in my entire life - and it is a battle ground.
I am anxious to hear what Dr. Diakos has to say...
7:28pm
I went to the doctor today and she did an ultrasound. I was shaking and almost crying on the table. The anxiety of what was to come was unbearable. I watched the screen but it all looked empty to me. Then I saw Dr. Diakos smile and zoom in on a black dot. She says that it is the sac and was happy to see it. She zoomed in on it even more and took two pictures. I started saying, "That's good, right?! That means the baby is in the right place?" She said yes, but it is still early. She was actually saying before that we may not even see anything. She also did not have answers about the brown blood - which I expected - but maybe implantation spotting or irritation. I went back to Evanston to have blood work done and will know my hcg levels tomorrow and then unfortunately will not have the second number until Monday. She also ordered my prenatal blood work.
Feeling better but still so nervous -
is it is pseudo sac?
will I still miscarriage?
what will we see in two weeks?
Positive thinking. Prayers. Good thoughts. Hugs from friends. Support from my family and husband. We can do this.
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