Tuesday, July 17, 2012

More blood, less hope

As I sit here and pretty much bleed my lining out, I am feeling such loss, hopelessness, and sadness.  I tried so hard over the last two weeks to create a healthy space for this bean - I even changed to organic milk from Whole Foods!  Part of me just wants this over and then a small part of me still has hope.  Tomorrow holds the answer and I am so nervous and anxious to learn what it is.

Hate to say it but oh so true - why me?  I see all of these pregnant women around me, babies on Facebook, and strollers down the sidewalk and why does this happen to me on my first try at 30-years-old?  Scary, frustrating and down-right angry about what is happening.  I want to try right away after this but what if it happens again?  My life has changed since last Saturday and I think it has changed more than the day I saw the pregnant on the digital test screen.

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