Merry-Go-Round

Lincoln rode his first merry-go-round when he was just one-years-old and I had Declan in my belly. I was super sick riding around and around, and Linc was indifferent with his expression.

Fast foward to Lincoln's second summer, and he HATED the merry-go-round. He only wanted to ride on the bench and even then it was like pulling teeth for him to ride.

Lincoln entered his third summer and started to warm up to the ride. He would ride but only if a parent was right there next to him, and he wanted that parent to "hold" him while he went up and down.

This summer something changed. Lincoln wanted to ride the carousel. He wanted it to go faster. And, he wanted to be on the "tallest, fastest horse there ever was" while his brother held on for dear life. He told me, "Sorry, Mama. I don't need you to hold me." I gave him that space he desperately wanted even though I still needed him to need me.

This past week he asked if he could ride in a different row. I obliged, but as I held his younger brother on the horse (and he won't let me go, for now!), I felt every emotion possible. How does this happen so quickly? My little guy who needed me for EVERYTHING is now his own being...he is independent, creating thoughts and ideas of his own, and doesn't rely on me for every little thing. I am not afraid to admit that it is a bit liberating but when your heart is on the outside of your body living in these little souls, it is also exhaustingly scary.

I grabbed my camera to document this milestone. His pride and happiness shines through in that little smirk. I just want him to know that as much as he can do on his own, I will be right there cheering him on. I will support him, welcome him home, and, if needed, help him clear the way to become the best version of himself.


For now, I will just be over here riding the merry-go-round with my youngest. At least I will be better prepared for the day when Declan asks me to ride my own horse...in my own row.